lonely girl

this isn’t just a story, nor for those of the weak of heart… this is my life this is me, isnt this what im meant to be? maybe one day ill meet your standards, maybe one day ill live up to your dreams but for now im just me.

right now, in this moment… i feel like once again im in the pit of despair looking up, dreaming to see that light shinning through, coming in to lift me up. someone wrote ” i don’t know why but I haven’t felt myself lately.. I’ve felt empty.” sometimes i wish people knew, i wish they knew the real me, i wish they knew what it is really like. when all i feel is emptiness, all i can show is a smile and all i hide are my tears. its depressing how my life has changed, from the sweet and innocent child; to the too early exposed teen that overdosed and almost died - to now… the unknown.

sometimes i fear ive grown up to fast, ive found love; i have a friend - maybe two if im lucky - and i want to be gone… but yet i want life to be over with. you think its confusing to read - just trying living with it.

im the girl whos past will always haunt her, the bad decision, and the frightening memories… sometimes i wish they were a bad dream, but thats all a bad memory is right? A night terror that everyone can see… your secret shame on the favourite gossip section, the must hear news on everyones judging lips?

maybe i am over reacting, maybe im reading to much into this, or maybe just maybe the real mistake was them bringing me back instead of letting me die all those years ago…